Number 10- Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9- Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8- Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7- Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6- Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3- A slight tax increase will cost you $200.00 yet a substantial tax cut only saves you 30¢.
Number 2 - In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1- Life is like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow
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